


For Once

by Drapetomania, tothebitterbetterend



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-21
Updated: 2016-08-21
Packaged: 2018-08-10 06:32:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7833961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drapetomania/pseuds/Drapetomania, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tothebitterbetterend/pseuds/tothebitterbetterend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>But Derek thinks that he thinks too much about Stiles and too much about himself and too much about them together as if the phrase 'Stiles and Derek' could ever make some sort of harmony. </p><p>(An end-of-3A fix it)</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Once

Derek's head lifts as soon as the sound of Roscoe's sputtering engine reaches his ears. His pulse spikes and he's mentally already at the door, alert to any urgent news Stiles could be delivering, but he stays on the bed with the book spread in his lap. A part of him reasons that the teen would've texted him if there was any danger but another part worries that he might have lost his phone in the midst of battle and he is coming here as a last resort.

The jeep enters the parking lot slowly and Derek considers the possibility Stiles might just be visiting but logically- why would he? He might be hurt and the jeep might be beat up again and that could be the reason for its slow pace. Still, Derek is sitting here unmoving and wasting time - precious seconds passing where he could be at Stiles' side in case he happened to be wounded. Erica's death that summer and Boyd's in the following months had made the fragility of their physical states all the more clearer. Those two were werewolves, young and inexperienced, nonetheless in possession of quick healing. Stiles did not. He could die so much easier than any of them.

This rarely occurs to Derek. How often Stiles could have died and how easily he could. Maybe Derek considered him as the weaker link in the beginning but that was before Stiles had proved his bravery and quick thinking time and time again. So he expects him to survive. That something as simple as a car accident could take his life after facing a rogue omega, a kanima and even a monster alpha makes his skin crawl. It's not fair that Stiles doesn't have the advantages the others have when he's the one risking his life over and over again the most, for the simple chance to save another.

Derek doesn't like comparing Stiles to himself, when he could never really match up to the bright, courageous teen, but sometimes- just sometimes -he thinks there might be more similarities between them than first meets the eye. And he's pretty sure Stiles feels it too. Maybe that's why he feels closest to him.

But Derek thinks that he thinks too much about Stiles and too much about himself and too much about them together as if the phrase 'Stiles and Derek' could ever make some sort of harmony. Therefore he focuses on the fact that Stiles heartbeat is quickened but steady, and his footsteps don't drag or drop on their way up the stairs. It's not weird anymore that Stiles comes over without Scott. At least, it wasn't whenever they had something to work on. Derek is tense as he waits though and he's not sure what to expect. He doesn't know what they'd do together if there's no one or thing to look for and no plan to devise.

He goes for casual and pretends to still be reading even if he can barely remember what the book is about when Stiles heaves open the door and walks in.

"Hey-o, bookworm," Stiles says as he saunters inside after closing the door behind him, "I'm here to save you from the doom of boredom that has you once again stuck reading a classy novel."

That's Derek's cue to look up and give Stiles a blank stare as he always does when he's greeted with such a typically ridiculous statement. Never mind that he feels a little offended because he enjoys reading what Stiles probably calls 'classy'. Stiles reads comic books and while Derek includes those on his reading list now and then they're nowhere near as intriguing.

"What are you here for?" Derek asks and it comes out harsher than he intended. Swallowing thickly, he closes the book and sets it aside to make it up to Stiles by giving him his full attention. It's not Stiles' fault after all, that the only one who casually comes around and hangs out anymore is Peter. Stiles pursues his lips and rolls his shoulders once.

"Such hospitality. You should make this place a bed and breakfast. People would've love a warm welcome like this," Stiles says and leans on the table in the middle of the loft. The way he angles his body and his fingers drum on the top shows his discomfort though. It’s a feeling he hadn't displayed around Derek in a long time.

"Maybe I realized that we never really hang out even though I consider us friends and friends usually hang out so I came over to enjoy your company." Stiles says it the same way he tells jokes except for the way he doesn't look Derek in the eye and the way his heart doesn't skip a beat. Derek doesn't know what's worse. If Stiles means what he said that means he has to offer more than he's been doing so far. There's more risk in making friendship as there is in making enemies and despite Derek's persistency on creating a pack it was obvious he wasn't ready to step over those lines. Even Cora had left again to return to a more capable pack. That should have been proof enough for Stiles to give it up already. But if there’s one thing Stiles doesn't do, it's give up. It's a gift as much a curse.

It's too silent in the room, and they're both too tense despite the warm, comfortable air between them. Derek has always liked how their scents mixed for some reason but he's never liked that he feels he does everything wrong around Stiles. Like now, being too silent at the confession, rolling his eyes in practiced maneuver to play along with the game. Stiles' chuckle is forced and he's moving as he speaks, pacing the room and touching things as if he's talking to them rather than Derek. Derek hates the way he can't even listen closely because all he can think about is how he fucked it all up again. Stiles gave him a way in. Stiles opened up. And Derek tripped right back into running away again.

He shouldn't be doing this, teetering somewhere in between letting Stiles think they could be as close as friends and giving him the cold shoulder. He doesn't know how much of it is harmless banter anymore and how much of it all is real and he needs to man up and either chase Stiles away liked Isaac or be there for him. Stiles is the last one who still treats him like pack and Derek needs to decide if that's what he want to do or not. Or rather, if that's what he needs to do. Because it's rather selfish to be keeping Stiles if he's unable to give him the companionship he needs in the end. He doesn't want to raise his hopes and then destroy everything. There's been enough destruction in his life.

Albeit, Derek hasn't felt such fierce reluctance to let something go before in his life. Maybe it's solely his selfishness but he doesn't think he can give up on the force that is Stiles Stilinski.

"Hold on," Derek says, interrupting Stiles shamelessly. He knows him well enough that the rambling tends to include more trivial things. The important ones come slowly and with deep inhales. As vocal as he is, even Stiles finds certain topics hard to voice. He's just braver than the most of them - especially Derek.

Stiles actually falls silent without complaint, mouth hanging open where it stopped mid sentence. He watches Derek rise and walk over, licks his lips as his anxiety rises when Derek steps into his space. Derek reaches out, holding Stiles' gaze, and places his hand on his shoulder in a similar way Stiles had done. He hears Stiles swallow loudly and feels him stock still at his side while his eyes flirt across his face. Derek's own breath is tight in his lungs and he doesn't know if he's doing the right thing but he pulls through anyway.

"I was just about to watch a movie. What are you up for?" He says because if Stiles can come in here and pretend this is the kind of normalcy they can have, then he can too, and maybe one day it becomes true. The relief that Stiles send over with a smile floods Derek with a sense of calm that relaxes him immediately and has him thinking that maybe it'll be okay.

"Now, you're talking my language," Stiles chirps and he seems genuinely happy. He doesn't pull away from the touch right away, rather seems to lean in for a second, and it sends Derek into another bout of over thinking while Stiles runs to grab the TV remote, already talking vividly about what the perfect movie selection for that afternoon would be.

For once he feels like he's done something right.

~~~

Derek has sensed the fear on Stiles and he's never seen such insecurity in him before. He wants to ask but he doesn't dare. He knows Stiles hasn't been sleeping well and sometimes Stiles doesn't seem like himself at all. It's unsettling but Derek does what he can to try and make it better. Considering he doesn't know what the problem is, he sometimes swings and misses and irritates Stiles further.

Like the time he had suggested they take another look at the bestiary they had acquired, and research just for the purpose of being prepared. Stiles had barely glanced at the texts and had messed around until Derek had snapped at him if he even wanted to do it. The simple shouted "no" had given off mixed signals that were lost on Derek.

He starts to find out just how bad Stiles is doing after his sacrifice when he falls asleep on Derek's couch one day and starts muttering. The jerky movements of his body, building up to the scream had been agonizing enough - Derek knows the terror that nightmares can bring - but the scream pierces through his bones. It shouldn't be possible for there to be a more horrible sound than a banshee's wail.

When he asks Stiles about his wellbeing the next evening, he gets nothing in reply at first. Stiles' shoulders sag tiredly and Derek can hear the defeat in his voice when he says: "Do you think... Is it possible- at all, like, if there's darkness in your heart... do you have a heart at all?"

Then he laughs, even if it's obviously fake.

"Way to be dramatic, huh?" Stiles chuckles and grips his mug of hot chocolate tight. Derek glances over and sees him staring stubbornly at the contents of the mug. The movie they had set up continues to play in the background and the rush of the wind outside doesn't mind them at all either. Yet, they're having a monumental moment on the couch, just the two of them between the pillows and blankets that Stiles had helped pick.

Derek knows that he can't begin to imagine what it's like to actually die and be brought back again. He was close to death many times, so close in fact that he was sure one or other breath could have been his last. More importantly however was that he knows how it was to feel like you're dying every evening, spending the night in hell only to wake up to the promise of going back in a few hours. He knows what it's like to lose hope for the sun at the horizon. He might never have had darkness in his heart but he surely had a darkness in his mind. And maybe the clouds hadn't lifted completely yet but he can see a few stray rays of sunshine breaking through.

"Yes," he says with as much conviction as it's possible to muster without sounding sarcastic. Stiles had enough love to conquer the darkness of a thousand hearts because he loved so openly and without restraint that it had pulled once hateful Derek in like a vortex. It hadn't yet let go and Derek hopes it never does.

"It doesn't feel like it," Stiles admits quietly.

"I know," Derek says and it's all that he can say because no words could take away Stiles' pain. He pulls him in against him though and lets him lean his head on his shoulder just to give him a place to rest.

And he thinks one day, when there are no more wars to be fought, they could be something more. Love isn't a fix-it-all cure -- his worry can't stop Stiles from getting hurt but love always prevails, and in the same way, he thinks they'll always end up together. 

As he sits there, Stiles a comfortable weight against him, he stares out of the loft windows, and keeps watching as the sun slowly makes its appearance across the horizon, beautiful and blinding, a beacon of hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you reading this :) If you enjoyed it, vote for Halesparks!


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